Your Guide to Guilt-Free Horse Ownership

Having trouble finding time to spend with your horse? Are you selling your horse out of guilt for not riding her enough? I say, get over it! 

Horse owners are often heard saying, “I feel guilty for not riding my horse, maybe I should sell her to someone with more time for her.”

At times they lament over what they perceive to be the loneliness their horse feels because time is tight and filled with other responsibilities, leaving less time for your horse. I used to feel like that in my younger years at times too. Working and going to college left little time for my horse, Dandy, way back when and I sold him because of my guilt.

I’ve said and done the same thing a few other times over the years. Looking back, I have some regret, but the past is just that and it won’t happen again.

From time to time life gets very busy or times get tough—we all go through the cycles of life and ride that rollercoaster. There are times that I am able to spend hours every day with my horses and there are times that I throw food through the fence and make sure they have water, are unhurt then hurry to run out the door to do other things and fulfill all the responsibilities of being a wife, mother, caretaker of older parents, employee, animal owner and everything else that takes up my time.

Of course I love it when I am able to spend hours every day with my horses and that is my favorite thing to do, but I am so over the guilt at this stage in my life.

What got me over the guilt and may help you too is really simple. I took the time to watch my horses, and others as well, when they had no idea I was looking. I often wondered what my horses did all day when I was working or not around for whatever reason, so I took the time to find out.

I took time off of my hectic schedule and spent a few of my vacation days to watch my horses from where they couldn’t see me or forgot that I was even present. Guess what they did? Absolutely nothing! They stood around in the shade on warm days, grazed off and on, lay in the sun sometimes soaking up the warmth and went under the shelters when it rained. Really, they were just being horses. 

Were they pining for my return? Nope! 

Did I see them looking for me? Nope! 

Did they look sad and despondent? Nope! 

Seriously, they all hung out together in the shade doing nothing. Eating, drinking, rolling in the dirt and standing in the shade took up their day. Occasionally they would engage in play with each other or they’d groom and snuggle one another—they even watched the neighborhood kids coming down the street—but mostly they did nothing. 

That new knowledge made me wonder if my horses were unique. Were they just so content being their own little herd in the large pasture they inhabit that they acted differently from other horses? Of course, the answer was no.

I found that out by spending time watching friend’s horses and even went to a few stables and each visit was the same—the horses hung out being horses: eating, drinking and standing in the shade. 

That made me ponder the thought that maybe it was just because those domestic horses were in smaller spaces unlike wild horses that have the open range. Nope! Wild horses do the same thing, not much all day. 

I began to think about how I train my horses. I reward them with nothing. What I mean is that as I work with them, if they do something right, I pet them and ask them nothing more. I release any pressure, be it legs, hands or seat—I just stop and thank them for getting it right. The release of pressure is the reward they receive. Horses are lazy by nature and don’t want to run around all the time. Running is for play or defense in their world. 

As horse people we think that our horses need us to ride them. Get over it, they don’t. We think they have to be exercised and ridden all the time. Get over it, they don’t—well, OK, exercise is a good thing and if your feeding program is appropriate weight management is easier. Fat horses are not healthy.

Our horses do like to spend time with us because we are part of their herd, their family, not because we ride them. We groom them and bathe them and pet them and they love it. We walk them around at the end of a lead rope and they happily follow wherever we go.

I think many of them, like my retired quarter horse Jane, prefer that we don’t ride them, ever. She loves for me to scratch her, pet her, rub her and spend time with her, but she’s never enjoyed being ridden. Cricket, my Mustang, also likes the calm attention but she does enjoy a trail ride now and then.

I don’t believe, however that she’d be happy if I rode her every single day of the year. I know she enjoys new sights provided by trail rides in different locations now and then, but she prefers to stay home most of the time. Our horses nicker softly and approach us as we walk toward them because we care for them and they care for us, not because we ride them.

There are so many other reasons to sell a horse. He’s not the right fit for you or your chosen sport, she’s too much horse for you (I’ve had that happen), she’s not as comfortable as you'd like, and so many others to choose from.

As for not having enough time to ride, let it go! If you otherwise want to keep her and can care for her, then keep her! Don't sell her because of guilty feelings.

I’ll take the time I get with my horses. I’ll care for them and love them. I’ll ride when I can. I’ll never feel the guilt of “I don’t ride her enough” again, and I feel so liberated that I am thrilled to be keeping my horses with me as part of my family—without the guilt!