How Do You Balance Your Needs with Everyone Else's?

Can a parent really find time for himself or herself when the job of a parent is really neverending?

Our moms tackle the question: How do you balance your needs with everyone else's?

Suzanne: Impossible. The correct answer is "sleep deprivation." Anyone can do it for 15 years or so and it is a survival skill. Even with a supportive husband and chores distributed to each family member, mom is the household CEO.  After the kids and the husband go to bed, then you can attend to ironing, preparation for tomorrow on the job, and a well-deserved chapter in the book you started reading last year.  I can multi-task but with only 24 hours in the day, I found that the CEO home job can be consuming.  C’est la vie. Once in a while I would build in some “girl friend time” but that was before day spas.  I have no idea what keeps them in business, certainly not the regular mothers I see today in the grocery store or at the gym. Successful adult children, an amusing husband of 44 years, and a full retirement life style attest to surviving a few years of sleep deprivation.

Kristine: Ten years ago, I would not have been able to answer this question because I felt that as long as everyone close to me was happy, my needs were being met.  In retrospect, that kind of thinking only led to increased stress levels. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way that us moms need to maintain a sense self just like anyone else.  For me in particular, when I get grouchy and have several 'bad mood' days in a row, I know it's time for a break.  Every couple of months, I'll schedule time with my friends for an evening out but more often than not, I have impromptu 'me' days where my husband will watch the kids and I have a weekend day to myself.  I don't have to do anything in particular but even if I'm running errands, it's nice to be alone with my own thoughts and not have to tend to anyone else. On these days, my favorite thing is to carve out quiet time for reading or napping.  Additionally, I have a lot of varied interests outside of my job so even though pursuing these interests sometimes resembles work, it's nice to have time to stay on top of personal projects.

Leslie: When my kids were toddlers, my husband traveled for years and would be gone for days, weeks and even months at a time.  As a full-time working mom, raising three young kids during that time was a lot of work, and stressful at times.  Balancing work with being a “single” mom was tough and I didn’t even know what my needs were, other than needing a break from time to time, which was hard to find time for.  I wasn’t able to do a lot for myself, but then again, I didn’t miss what I didn’t have to begin with, so I never really “needed” anything other than an occasional babysitter so I could run errands.

Now, as my kids are older, I think it’s important to take time out for myself – and all moms should - and it’s a lot easier, so I will head to the gym early morning while the kids are still sleeping, or schedule my errands during a time when they are at practice or out and about with friends.  My needs are my kids, so every opportunity I have to hang out with them, whether it’s sitting on the couch watching a movie, or watching them play in a game, even taking them to a doctor’s appointment, I make it a point of mine to schedule anything I need for myself around them.  Time goes by so fast and my kids have grown up so quickly, so I take every opportunity and need of mine to be with my kids and support them before they are all moved out and off at college and starting their own families.